DADOPTION

One thing the adoption process really allows you to do is plan your 'parental style'. Both because the process is pretty darned long and your mind wanders, but also because every now and again they do actually recommend some good reading. I've learnt about Therapeutic Parenting and attachment issues amongst many other things.  You're also encouraged to compare your own experience of being parented with your expectations. This is less straightforward, as there are unsurprisingly many mixed feelings this throws up. There is much I can say about my childhood. My basic needs were met and it was clear my parents loved me. However like most 80s children I was pushed to succeed from an early age.  What this created was a cycle of always trying hard no matter the endeavour, with any positives of success being overshadowed by a crippling fear of failure - of not doing (and therefore by childish association being ) enough. It's a loop that has followed me into adulthood. When

 It was wonderful to learn we could adopt our kids following last week's Matching Panel. As noted , we drank a bit too much bubbly, texted til our thumbs fell off and went into town for burgers and toy shopping.  What has followed has been rather frustrating. On Thursday, a few days after panel, we were informed placement would not occur start of next year as discussed. Then came the Planning Meeting with no plan earlier today. You read that right - the milestone in the process where we were to learn the whens and hows of our future parenthood left us with nothing.  They turned up with no plan. Not part of a plan. Not a sketch on a fag packet. Nada. And they managed to string out their lack of a plan for 90 minutes. Telling us why there was no plan but never at any point taking responsibility. Worse, they asked us to be flexible and noted they could tell us nothing with any certainty. It's funny, cos there was the opposite of certainty. There was nothing. No skeleton framework.