Why we adopted

There's a bit of a lull in proceedings for a week, between Monday's big Panel decision and a Planning Session next Tuesday. The latter will decide exactly what form the various introductions will take with our two new kids, and I'm keen to share all that when it comes. 

In the meantime, I thought it would be helpful to tackle some of the bigger standalone questions. And what is bigger than examining the very reason why I'm at this fork in the road? So here goes. 

Let me take you back to January 2019. It's a cold night outside but I'm in a bright English themed bar on the Champs Elysees drinking Leffe Brune and having a rather nice burger. My phone lights up with a call I'd been waiting for from my lovely wife (the now wonderfully entitled Mrs Dadoption). I step out of the bar onto the cold street, eager to talk to her somewhere quiet and with better signal. 

She's sad. Her new job is awful, and she leads with that for a little while. It's not the main reason thought. Aunt Flo had visited in my absence, heralding a failed attempt in our mission to have children. The continuation of this cycle hits us both really hard.

For the rest of the year, such phone calls become pretty common. We schedule my work travel so I'm always home for the attempt but as a result sadly away for the outcome. It's heart wrenching and a piece of us feels lost with every passing month. 

We get to the end of the year and Mrs Dadoption tells me she doesn't want me travelling any more. I totally agree to it. Next year will be different, I think. So why do I want to adopt? Reason 1, because I would like kids, and I tried to make some. 

During 2019 I began to wonder if there was a reason why we were not having kids. Mrs Dadoption had had a number of procedures concerning her fertility, but every time I had asked for a check-up I was told there would be nothing to worry about. I was an active 30 something - I was bound to be fertile. When I finally did insist on a sperm count, you can probably guess the result. You can probably guess the result of the next two counts, and the x-ray can and the invasive surgery. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nowt. I will write more extensively about the mental toll that learning I was infertile took on me, but for the moment note that reason 2 of why I want to adopt is, I can't make any kids of my own. And that breaks my heart.

Learning I was infertile broke my heart and had the real potential to break me entirely. What got me through it alongside the love, kindness and compassion of Mrs Dadoption was my faith. Through Christianity I learn that we are all God's adopted children. We're born sinful but choose to follow, and he welcomes us with open arms. Jesus was not Joseph's biological son, but he raised him and, given the Bible tells us little of Jesus' early twenties, we can hopefully assume that he taught him to be a pretty handy carpenter. Moses was adopted too and turned out awesome. We're called to spread God's love and message to all less fortunate than us. Adoption is an awesome way of doing this. Reason 3 in favour of adoption, because it's what Jesus would do. Any I didn't even have to wear a natty WWJD 90s arm band to figure it out. 

In the last year I learnt another reason to adopt - all my favourite characters are adopted. Superman is a Kryptonian taken in by Martha and Jonathan Kent, two Smallville farmers. The Flash gets taken in by Detective West as a kid after witnessing the death of his mother. Spiderman has Aunt May and the unfortunate Uncle Ben. Bruce Wayne sees his parents die in every single Batman film, but in each one he is then raised by their trusty butler Alfred. Then there's all the Disney films. Much is made of the fact that parents die in the first scene, but then the protagonist still turns out fab because of the people who stuck around. Ana and Elsa have the entire household staff in Frozen, which is perhaps my best example. There's quite a few evil uncles and wicked stepmothers which don't really fit my narrative for this section, but it's worth stating they all feed and clothe the protagonist, shaping them for better or worse into the person we root for. Reason 4 - all the best heroes in modern fiction are adopted. 

My last reason is perhaps the most important. Mrs Dadoption and I have so much love to give. And time. And patience. And space. We research tons and work hard in our jobs. Kids will benefit for having decent sized rooms, and so many toys. From the attentive ear of Mrs Dadoption and my boundless enthusiasm. The last reason is we have so much to give.